A LOOK WITHIN by Lawrence Beasley

I just love you and appreciate the God in you. You will never know how much your ministry especially in the ministry of deliverance has helped me and propelled me to seek after God in a greater and more real way.

Your ministry has challenged me to desire to walk in a level of purity and genuineness that I had not been accustomed to seeing, especially in men. After the VOJ's anniversary your ministry has caused me to really examine those secret and hidden areas of my life: those areas that I had so perfectly and meticulously hidden and kept covered.

I recently purchased a tallit (prayer shawl) for my prayer time. With the tallit there was a book. The book talked about entering into your closet; however, the root word for closet in the text meant inner-chamber or secret place. It really hit me hard because I had to allow myself to admit that my inner-chamber and secret place had been polluted and clotted with sin and filth. It has been hindering my ministry, my interpersonal relationships not only with people of the opposite sex but family and friends.

Growing up in the church I had been officially taught that as long as you ministered to the best of your ability and gave it your all in that moment your lifestyle really didn't matter. I never accepted that notion in theory because it always made me feel uncomfortable. However, I still allowed myself to walk in the footsteps of my predecessors: ministering yet sinking. Singing, preaching, teaching, etc. but not really living the life I had presented to others. I feel so convicted now. When you ministered at our Missionary's day it got me! "We come in this holy place defiled." Sis. Pope, I've just recently come to the place where I can't do it anymore. I can no longer sit on the end of that pulpit defiled. I can't stand behind the sacred desk with toxic-poison in my spirit. Seeing the other youth in the choir stand, etc. singing but sinking following after our parents, grandparents hurts. So the change begins with me.

Sis. Pope, living this "double-life" has affected every area of my life. From my performance academically to keeping my room clean. I'm finding as I submit and confess more to Christ the rest of my life gently falls in place.

I've come to the place where I realize I've spent so much time trying to cover up the issues I've held in since -as I can remember- reaching adolescence and puberty that I've lost myself. This season is really me season to deal with it and in dealing with it finding myself. In the book of Matthew it talks about how when the wise man bowed in worship their treasure/gifts were unlocked and released. I'm finding that as I humble myself and bow (not just as in worship but in my lifestyle) to God he is revealing my gifts and treasures

I have somewhat adopted you as my spiritual mother. I know that this is a process but I'm encouraged by your testimony.

Keep me in your prayers and I'm excited about the deliverance, cleansing and freedom He is going to give me. While I can't be in the discipleship classes your ministry still has an indelible impression on me and is a catalyst for change in my life.

Your son,
Lawrence