MY TESTIMONY

by Marsha Earl

These sessions have been a tremendous blessing to me. Oh my God have they been challenging for me. I didn't even realize I had secret places and that God doesn't reside there. These sessions has caused me to let the Lord uncover those secret places because if He doesn't reside there then satan does. Since Jesus is Lord in my life He has to have every part of me so the process begins/continues. Yes the contents in my secret places were toxic and needed to be gutted out. It was created to harbor or store all the unpleasant experiences that I had to endure but really couldn't. Like growing up knowing my father never wanted me affected all of my relationships. I often lashed out at people trying to get the last word trying to cover the hurt. I would do almost anything to get any kind of attention. I was starving for love and began seeking for it in the wrong places and people since I didn't know what true love was. I now know what agape love is and I will soon experience the love that husbands and wives share. I ended up putting my self in the position to be sexually, physically, and emotionally abused just to get and sadly still did not. I now accept my part in those offences and now forgive myself. My late God Father Rev. Albert Grant told me many times "if you play on satan's football team expect to get tackled." One reason being he doesn't play fair and most importantly you're outside of God's will a very dangerous place to be. Greater is He that is within me than he that is in the world and I am more than a conqueror. I had been praying to the Lord for sometime trying to find my purpose, my destiny. I was tired of getting to destinations and still not being fulfilled. I have always been very active in church work and the work of the church trying to witness to others about the God I serve in words and deeds. I have been unfulfilled for many years even doing things I love to do like singing and directing the choir. I had gotten so tired of business as usual, no accountability, everybody doing their own thing, continuing to do the same thing getting the same results and being satisfied with no results. God deserves the best of everything we have because it all belongs to Him and He is truly worthy. My desire is to please Him with everything I've got and that desire has propelled me to this place. I got tired of being used by people. Some of them knew I was hurting and I desperately wanted to be apart of something anything and they used that to their advantage most times not to the glory of God. God has since shown me my friends and my enemies through very painful experiences. He said when my ways please Him my enemies are made to be at peace with me. I realize now through K.S.I.M. most of those experiences I brought on myself not having the proper guidance and support systems and then choosing not to line up with the word of God. That has caused many costly mistakes that I have been forced to deal with this past year. I came to the My Time to Deal With It sessions out of obedience to my mentors Pastor and Sis. Pope. I always expect the Lord to do great things but I didn't have anything specific in mind. I didn't know what to expect I just came. The Lord has been speaking to me like never before. He has been showing me things I didn't understand that scared me so I kept resisting when He would speak. He revealed several things to me in the spirit. They might not seem important to you but they have been life changing for me. 1..It's ok that I don't know everything because He would guide me into all truths. 2. There will be things I wouldn't understand I just have to be obedient(very important in this season). He rewards faithfulness. 3.Every time I would go after Him (3 or 4 times a day every I've done in this season is out of character for me I did what was necessary never above and beyond) I would cry uncontrollably and He keeps sending me to the floor to lay before Him. He said the tears are because He is healing the hurts. 4. Laying before Him is the act of total submission of everything. (He now has complete control and can fill every part of me with His love. I have casted all my cares on Him and He does truly care for me. 5. He said He's my provider I don't have to worry about anything. I just have to continue to seek Him and all His righteousness and all the other things would be added. Almost 9 years ago I suffered several accidents and had to struggle to get to where I am today which I thought was no where. I don't have a career, decent housing, no 2nd or 3rd degree, no car, and loss of vision. These are things I had or were in the process of obtaining when the accidents occurred. I didn't receive a lot of compassion people were more concerned about all the things I could no longer do for or give them (people pleasing was a stronghold in my life). This fueled the struggle with depression I was already enduring. I can focus on the things I do have that money can never buy the Grace, Mercy, and Peace of God that passes all knowledge. The Lord obviously had other plans for my life if not for those experiences I would not be in the place of deliverance now or even know that I needed deliverance. I considered my self a very independent person not dependent on anyone but the Lord. Now all that's changed and I am more dependent on the Lord. God also said He was removing the box (comfort zone). Although, my praise and worship was always different He has even changed that because it was tainted by that addiction of people pleasing. I sometimes would fight it because people didn't understand my praise. God said I could not continue to hide in the box because what He is preparing me for was not there so I had to come out of hiding. Although, I came to the sessions not expecting anything specific, God has shown me several areas to deal with. I am now delivered from fear, stubbornness, lying to fit in, people pleasing, insecurity, trust issues, low self-esteem all rooted in the fear of rejection. I know if I don't want to go back to that dark place where God is not I have to tailor my environment for success. I am increasing my prayer time. I am committing more scriptures to memory. I am hiding God's word in my heart so that I might not sin against him. I've already given my body to Him 13 years ago that was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I am so happy that the Lord led me to K.S.I.M. at such a time as this. A ministry with a purpose to lead people to a better quality of life. A place where I belong. A place of freedom. A place where I am truly loved and appreciated for me. A place where I can do me a God Pleaser. God has used my mentors to stretch me giving me what I need to stick to it. I will continue to work the process because I now know my motivators my family, my nephew(Taquarius) not wanting him to suffer like I did and now God has renewed the burden to see my God daughters Chloe, Adrienne, and Allyne delivered. I'm going to stay on the wall because my deliverance is the key to so many others being free. So I am ready to stay the course. God has started a great work in me a mighty woman of God and will perform it until the very day. This is my ministry bringing the youth especially young ladies to the Lord through intercessory prayer, encouragement, and my continued obedience to the Lord Adonai my Lord and Master.